Janelle has clearly been smoking crack.
JANELLE'S E-MAIL
From: janelle3j@verizon.net
I am flo_ating up in the air with so much love for you. I feel li;g'hter. ;an.d at peace j.u'st knowi ng that I can see you. You inspire_ me. I'm forwarding :you an eCard so y:ou'll 'k;now how special you are ,to me. View the_ Note 46
RESPONSE
Hi Janelle,
How exactly? What's going on here…..? Have you been hiding up my chimney or something……? Is that what that scratching noise has been about? I thought it was pigeon.
You’re not a pigeon are you Janelle? That would be just my luck. No action in years, and when something finally turns up, society will probably judge me for taking my opportunity. Fucking society. It’s the same as when I thought that starfish was coming on to me in Brighton Aquarium – I could swear it kept looking at me. Bloody prick tease. I would have worn that dirty echinoderm like a glove! – which might work out quite well actually given the shape. I’d just have to find a way of squeezing my hand up its bum and boom! A new wanking-mitt.
But nooooooo, having sex with a sea creature is wrong, you’re not allowed to climb into the tanks, you’re scaring the children. Fucking nosey Aquarium staff – who do they think they are.... the sex police? How dare they deny me love!
Anyway, thanks for saying I’m inspiring – I try my best. I wish you’d tell my mum that! She’s always moaning… ‘Put some trousers on….. you can’t just sit around all day watching re-runs of Eggheads…. at least cook those Fray Bentos pies if you’re going to eat them out the tin…. moan moan moan’. I tell her I’m sticking it to the man but she just looks at me with disgust and regret.
As much as I wanted to view your ‘e-card’, I’m afraid that if I click this link, a load of willies will appear on my computer and I won’t be able to remove them. Call me over-cautious, but I’ve been fooled by this kind of thing before. Only last month some bastard convinced me to ‘invest’ in a load of dodgy pills….needless to say they didn’t work. All that happened was that I felt a bit funny watching Bargain Hunt. Enlargement my arse.
Thanks for getting in touch - although I have to say your somewhat cryptic message terrified me to my very soul. My main concern being the vaguely Peter Sutcliffe-esque undertones of your assertion that you can 'see' me.
How exactly? What's going on here…..? Have you been hiding up my chimney or something……? Is that what that scratching noise has been about? I thought it was pigeon.
You’re not a pigeon are you Janelle? That would be just my luck. No action in years, and when something finally turns up, society will probably judge me for taking my opportunity. Fucking society. It’s the same as when I thought that starfish was coming on to me in Brighton Aquarium – I could swear it kept looking at me. Bloody prick tease. I would have worn that dirty echinoderm like a glove! – which might work out quite well actually given the shape. I’d just have to find a way of squeezing my hand up its bum and boom! A new wanking-mitt.
But nooooooo, having sex with a sea creature is wrong, you’re not allowed to climb into the tanks, you’re scaring the children. Fucking nosey Aquarium staff – who do they think they are.... the sex police? How dare they deny me love!
Anyway, thanks for saying I’m inspiring – I try my best. I wish you’d tell my mum that! She’s always moaning… ‘Put some trousers on….. you can’t just sit around all day watching re-runs of Eggheads…. at least cook those Fray Bentos pies if you’re going to eat them out the tin…. moan moan moan’. I tell her I’m sticking it to the man but she just looks at me with disgust and regret.
As much as I wanted to view your ‘e-card’, I’m afraid that if I click this link, a load of willies will appear on my computer and I won’t be able to remove them. Call me over-cautious, but I’ve been fooled by this kind of thing before. Only last month some bastard convinced me to ‘invest’ in a load of dodgy pills….needless to say they didn’t work. All that happened was that I felt a bit funny watching Bargain Hunt. Enlargement my arse.
No comments:
Post a Comment